“Run!”: True Blood Season 5 Episode 12: Save Yourself

Alex 🙂 via Wikimedia Commons

Apologies, fellow Truebies. Has been a crazy few weeks with finishing college, moving home etc. Will be dedicating a lot more time to the blog in the next few weeks. Anyway, here’s some thoughts on the season finale. If you haven’t seen, spoilers! 

There’s been much speculation on whether Bill has been brainwashed or has truly turned evil. I think the time for speculating is over after this season finale. The gentleman vampire of old has long ago disappeared and a monster is now in his place.

All the remaining members of the Authority, apart from Nora, Eric, Steve (we presume) and Bill were disposed of in this episode. Let’s start off with the most disappointing death of all.

When we left Russell he was foaming at the fangs at the sight of Sookie and her fairy cousins. The fairies were blasting him with light but he was so full of the Elder’s blood it was merely giving him a ‘tickling sensation’. Out of nowhere, Eric showed up, staked Russell and took Sookie off with him to Fangtasia to plot how to reason with Bill.

Ah here. We have waited two seasons for an end to Russell Edgington, and Eric has waited a thousand years. So to have the great Denis O’Hare disposed of with a simple staking before the opening credits was a complete anti-climax.

This fairly huge disappointment aside, the finale was excellent. Sam, Eric and Tara all made the mistake of thinking they could reason with Bill. But the vampire is not for turning. He let Salome believe that he was happy with her being Lilith’s ‘chosen one’. But he had laced a fake vial of Lilith’s blood with silver, and as she lay weakened, he staked her. Like all the best baddies, he couldn’t resist going on a lengthy monologue about his villainy. All he was missing was the white fluffy cat.

Oh, how could I forget. Maurella gave birth to an entire litter of Andy’s babies (Holly was not best pleased). Giving birth fairy-style is a little different. Your glow in the dark vagina simply pops a sprog with the minimum of pain. In fact, the opposite of pain. Maurella’s orgasm noises were so loud I worried that the neighbours might think I was watching some particularly graphic porn.

Meanwhile, the rest of Bill’s carefully constructed plans were tumbling around his ears. In their effort to rescue Emma, Sam and Luna shifted into a pair of flies. Sam tried to make Bill see sense but there was nothing doing. After futilely trying to swat the fly-Sam, Bill then ordered his Gestapo to purge Authority HQ of any creatures whatsoever. They did a very poor job.

As an aside, what is the point, as a vampire, of dedicating yourself to being a security guard? Or why was Chelsea the receptionist studying marketing and statistics? This is why a vampire society would never work. Why would you do menial jobs when you’re immortal and supernaturally powerful?

Luna skinwalked into Steve Newlin (who has disappeared), and made a pretty hilarious TV appearance, before shifting back into her old self and informing America of the vampires’ devilish intentions. While Roslyn castigated Luna (incidentally, did anyone else Irish notice Roslyn saying “fucking eejits” this week or was that just me?), Sam flew into her mouth as a fly and shifted back into himself, exploding her.

Gruesome deaths were a feature of this episode. Sookie, Tara, Nora, Eric and Jason went to the Authority to save Pam/convince Bill of the error of his ways. Well, this was just great. Jason gave his head an almighty wallop and seems to have lost it completely. Seeing his dead parents, who turned out to be as jingoistic as they come, he decided that he’d go to the Authority to waste himself some vamps.

“Oh, sweetie, don’t be a fool,” said the divine Eric.

“If I wanna be a fool, I’ll be a fool,” Jason replied. “That’s my god-given right as an American.”

Jason and co went on a staking spree and then reunited Pam and Tara, who went for a nice long shift. This kind of creeped me out to be honest, so I’ll skim right over it. Then Eric and Sookie went to convince Bill that farming humans for food is kinda mean. Back in the olden days, a flash of Sookie’s cleavage would have done it, but Bill is “in blood stepped in so far that should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o’er”. (Gotta love Macbeth).

Sookie said that Bill was the only kind vampire that she had ever known, which was a bit harsh as the lovely Eric was standing right there, but nothing worked. Bill chugged all of Lilith’s blood, and dissolved into a big pile of goo. Grand, you might say, but oh-what’s this?

It’s Bilith! Turns out there’s something in this lark after all. Bill took on the nudey, bloody appearance of his favourite goddess, and hissed red mist at Eric and Sookie.

What could they do only take Eric’s advice and “Run!”

It’s a really great cliffhanger for next season. Will we ever get normal Bill back? Who’s Warlow? Will Eric take his clothes off a bit more? All in all, Season 5 could have been a lot better. It pulled it together in the final few episodes but was less than engrossing. Again, there were way too many irrelevant storylines and focus on minor characters. I say this every time, but they need to sort this out for next season.

And more Eric. Always more Eric.

One thought on ““Run!”: True Blood Season 5 Episode 12: Save Yourself

  1. Pingback: Meh: True Blood, Season 6 Review | randomdescent

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